me, running

today, for the first time in a long time, i went running. no big deal, a lot of people who decide to dig their five year old Nikes out of the closet could say the same. except for me, it's different.




i started running when i was twelve years old, though i had begun my athletic pursuits no less than seven years before that. geoffrey was playing soccer, so, by God, i was going to do the same. that's how i got into track and field too. my brother was ridiculously fast for his age, without even really trying, it seemed, and was winning a lot of races. and though hell might conspire against me, i decided that i was going to be just as amazing.

anyway, having developed a taste for endurance sports as a tot, i took to running quickly. i liked it, although i was fearful that those mid-race pains in my side meant that all my internal organs had exploded and i was about to die very shortly. i had a lot of race anxiety. but on days when i could chill, i'd have a decent run and contribute to the team's success. eventually, as an eighth grader, i was made one of the captains of our girls' middle school track team. it felt awesome, mostly because i owned my running. it meant something.

fast forward to high school. my freshman year should have been the one where i explore the looming halls, pretending not to hope that i'd bump into my big brother (but secretly pray to God that i would), who'd grudgingly show his kid sister where to go and complain that she gets lost ALL THE TIME. but that didn't happen. geoff was a world away, living in denmark during his junior year, so i would have to navigate the halls of Cedar Crest High School. i don't think i would have made it if it hadn't been for my new varsity cross country teammates. well, them, and the flock of older girls who looooooooooooooooooooooooved my brother and would do anything for him, via his little sister. being the only freshman on the girls' team didn't hurt either because as a single entity (there were no sophomores), i was not a threat to the upperclassmen. that sounds terrible to say, but girls are girls, and that's how we tend to think at that age.

high school is worth a blog all its own, but for the purposes of this post, i'll focus on the running. cross country and track were a collective saving grace. i didn't always feel as though i fit in (what teenager does?), but as i would tear across the field, leap over fallen logs, dodge protruding branches, and careen down switchback trails, i truly felt like myself. the scent of living, breathing trees would fill me, renewing me for the final mile of the race. the workouts in gretna, whether they be on the governor dick trail, the railroad bed, or the i-swear-to-God-it's-vertical trail up radar hill, were the bedrock of my love for the woods and the peace and humble humanity they could confer. during those four years, i never realized how significant those runs were.

CCHS Girls' Cross Country at the `94 Coatesville Invitational
& yes, i AM the one with the pom-pom. that should come as no surprise.

after the `96 Coatesville Invitational with my cousins, Rachel (who kicked the field's ass) & Laura

my final HS xc race, the `96 PIAA District III Championships
i even remember kicking it in for that last 300 & passing that girl to the left of the frame.

i cried after that race because i knew that, though i'd continue running, i'd never have quite the same amazing experiences that i did during my time on the Falcons' xc squad. 

one of said amazing experiences--i think this was our final home meet of the `96 season, & i'm the one that got these orange shenanigans started. i was co-captain of this crew, after being the sole upperclassman/captain the year before. somehow, i had no idea that i would start to fall apart relatively soon after.