**resuming "weight... just weight (part1: the history)"
fast forward to now. i've chronicled my body image issues on multiple occasions, & i'm happy to say that i have come a long way since those self-hating days of college. i know i'm not going to be a size zero, & i love my own curves. of course, there are days when i feel too curvy, but thankfully, those days are few. i've returned to running, & it's fun, it's relaxing, & it's stress-free. i love it, & i love myself. that's why i don't understand what's going on with my peers.
*FYI, ladies--this is where Facebook will bite you in the ass.
on a given day, i'll see statuses logging excitement for this race & happiness over some distance completed, & i'm so proud of all of these women. they're doing something healthy & fun & empowering & worthy of imitation, something that i hope all the little girls around them will see & aspire to. & then in the next update, these same awesome women will worry about their pounds. like seriously worry, show palpable anxiety, & verbally self-flagellate. they'll share how they got on & then fell off magical 1000 cal/day diets, & they'll pour over the merits of various DVD workouts whose very titles tout their frightening (& some proven dangerous) extremes. trust me--i've done my fair share of calorie tracking. i've fretted over post-picnic consequences. but frankly, trying to worry about every molecule that goes into the body leads to an ironically unhealthy obsession, & i'm sick of killing myself over it.
there's a vicious irony in these excessive efforts: when we concern ourselves only what is & is not consumed, we completely forget about what we exude. i've found, in my own experience, that when i get into one of those "oh god, i have to lose tons of weight so that i can fit into this particular size or get rid of these damn muffin-tops" frenzies, all i emit is stress, anxiety, & a not-too-surprising hatred for who i already i am. my body is definitely affected by this mental & emotional mess, & my health deteriorates. those hard-hitting efforts to drop the weight end up being abortive. my attitude & self-image both take a downward spiral, & guess what? i am far less attractive to myself & others, even if i am a little lighter than i was before.
don't you see it? you are your shape, & you're beautiful. to repeat: you. yes, you. you, this woman i know & have loved for some time now, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. your shape, your smile, your intelligence, your wit, your kindness, your soul--they all combine to make you quite lovely, regardless of some number on a scale. is it really the outside that matters most? please, i ask that you allow your body to follow its genetic path, & enjoy the journey. enjoy the abilities that you have. love that you can climb that mountain or finish that race or keep up with your kids as they race through the yard. enjoy healthful things, but don't obsess over pounds. honestly, does anybody else really care if you have a washboard for a stomach?
please note--i am aware that there are many whose weight had/has put them in/at risk for a dangerous medical situation, & i am very proud of those who have loved themselves enough to reduce their size in order to live longer, healthier lives. i suppose that, at this point, i'm speaking to the numerous ladies (&, lest we kid ourselves, men) who are already in a perfectly fine place, yet still feel the need to grind themselves into the dirt &/or starve themselves in order to achieve... what?
we have some important questions to answer. what are we trying to achieve? what are we attempting to nurture here? what is our perspective? &, if i may be so pointed, what is our priority--our physical or eternal selves? do we think that we're feeding our soul by starving our bodies?
in sum, i'm seeing what likely began as well-intended self-abnegation mutating to into damaging denial, passive-aggressive self-loathing, & spiritual assault. it saddens me. friends, sisters, please. love yourself more than this.
---
*if you're in need of encouragement on how to do this, read basically anything by Anne Lamott. she does a great job speaking to "radical self-care" & "jiggly thighs" (which she calls her "Aunties").
---
**for the record, screw TMI--my butt is one of my least toned, jiggliest places, but, upon consideration, it's part of what makes me feel damn hot. i <3 my booty.
fast forward to now. i've chronicled my body image issues on multiple occasions, & i'm happy to say that i have come a long way since those self-hating days of college. i know i'm not going to be a size zero, & i love my own curves. of course, there are days when i feel too curvy, but thankfully, those days are few. i've returned to running, & it's fun, it's relaxing, & it's stress-free. i love it, & i love myself. that's why i don't understand what's going on with my peers.
*FYI, ladies--this is where Facebook will bite you in the ass.
on a given day, i'll see statuses logging excitement for this race & happiness over some distance completed, & i'm so proud of all of these women. they're doing something healthy & fun & empowering & worthy of imitation, something that i hope all the little girls around them will see & aspire to. & then in the next update, these same awesome women will worry about their pounds. like seriously worry, show palpable anxiety, & verbally self-flagellate. they'll share how they got on & then fell off magical 1000 cal/day diets, & they'll pour over the merits of various DVD workouts whose very titles tout their frightening (& some proven dangerous) extremes. trust me--i've done my fair share of calorie tracking. i've fretted over post-picnic consequences. but frankly, trying to worry about every molecule that goes into the body leads to an ironically unhealthy obsession, & i'm sick of killing myself over it.
there's a vicious irony in these excessive efforts: when we concern ourselves only what is & is not consumed, we completely forget about what we exude. i've found, in my own experience, that when i get into one of those "oh god, i have to lose tons of weight so that i can fit into this particular size or get rid of these damn muffin-tops" frenzies, all i emit is stress, anxiety, & a not-too-surprising hatred for who i already i am. my body is definitely affected by this mental & emotional mess, & my health deteriorates. those hard-hitting efforts to drop the weight end up being abortive. my attitude & self-image both take a downward spiral, & guess what? i am far less attractive to myself & others, even if i am a little lighter than i was before.
don't you see it? you are your shape, & you're beautiful. to repeat: you. yes, you. you, this woman i know & have loved for some time now, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. your shape, your smile, your intelligence, your wit, your kindness, your soul--they all combine to make you quite lovely, regardless of some number on a scale. is it really the outside that matters most? please, i ask that you allow your body to follow its genetic path, & enjoy the journey. enjoy the abilities that you have. love that you can climb that mountain or finish that race or keep up with your kids as they race through the yard. enjoy healthful things, but don't obsess over pounds. honestly, does anybody else really care if you have a washboard for a stomach?
please note--i am aware that there are many whose weight had/has put them in/at risk for a dangerous medical situation, & i am very proud of those who have loved themselves enough to reduce their size in order to live longer, healthier lives. i suppose that, at this point, i'm speaking to the numerous ladies (&, lest we kid ourselves, men) who are already in a perfectly fine place, yet still feel the need to grind themselves into the dirt &/or starve themselves in order to achieve... what?
we have some important questions to answer. what are we trying to achieve? what are we attempting to nurture here? what is our perspective? &, if i may be so pointed, what is our priority--our physical or eternal selves? do we think that we're feeding our soul by starving our bodies?
in sum, i'm seeing what likely began as well-intended self-abnegation mutating to into damaging denial, passive-aggressive self-loathing, & spiritual assault. it saddens me. friends, sisters, please. love yourself more than this.
---
*if you're in need of encouragement on how to do this, read basically anything by Anne Lamott. she does a great job speaking to "radical self-care" & "jiggly thighs" (which she calls her "Aunties").
---
**for the record, screw TMI--my butt is one of my least toned, jiggliest places, but, upon consideration, it's part of what makes me feel damn hot. i <3 my booty.
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