i think... i think maybe i've got it. i'm not confused anymore about why i'm confused. as least not as much as i was.
when i moved into my new place, i was immediately transfixed by the view from the fourth story windows. fascinating. my first night here, i was awed to be able to see it: 1 World Trade Center, the "Freedom Tower." & then i remembered.
"oh yeah... i hate that thing."
& now i get to live within sight. inclement weather aside, i will see that thing every morning, when i go upstairs for coffee & breakfast. & if i'm home, every lunch. & every dinner. every time i head toward the hudson, it's there. so i must make peace with it.
this move has been much more tumultuous than i could have ever imagined. yes, i know; moving is a process. everything takes time. time takes time. however, my brain is constructed such that it is easily ignited, & currently, i'm facing: a) positive life change [pursue new career direction], b) negative life change [beginnings, translations, endings], c) changes in daily schedule/disruption of sleep rhythm [i'm getting used to this not-getting-up-at-dawn thing], & d) overstimulation [YOU try unpacking & organizing an entire truckload's worth of belongings by yourself]. fabulous. i'm under four guns.
now before we groan, roll our eyes, & say, "dammit, here she goes, my invitation to a pity party," please just stop. really, it's because of introspection that i'm beginning to understand how all of this goes together.
since that first night, i've been periodically camped out at those windows, trying to figure out my surroundings, seeing the new things to be seen, & listening to the sounds of the street. & i started taking pictures. if you were to browse the recent posts on my deviantART site, you'll see that over a third of them are related to this place & some more directly to 1WTC. at the moment, i think it's all i can do.
in the classic turn of artistic irony, i refer to the only thing to which i feel deeply connected & deconstruct it in order reconstruct myself. to put it another way, 1WTC is thus far my only sensual anchor, & i have to visualize it in a way that makes sense, if i'm to make sense of anything else here. i have to figure out how i see the one, if i'm to learn how to see the all.
my words are clumsy...
the best i can say is that this tower is my fixed point, helping to orient me to the rest of my surroundings. no matter my feelings toward it, i analyze it, play with it, look at it in different ways & from different directions. it's helping me comprehend myself, & with the ground constantly shifting beneath my feet, this is the only way i know how to keep standing.
when i moved into my new place, i was immediately transfixed by the view from the fourth story windows. fascinating. my first night here, i was awed to be able to see it: 1 World Trade Center, the "Freedom Tower." & then i remembered."oh yeah... i hate that thing."
& now i get to live within sight. inclement weather aside, i will see that thing every morning, when i go upstairs for coffee & breakfast. & if i'm home, every lunch. & every dinner. every time i head toward the hudson, it's there. so i must make peace with it.
this move has been much more tumultuous than i could have ever imagined. yes, i know; moving is a process. everything takes time. time takes time. however, my brain is constructed such that it is easily ignited, & currently, i'm facing: a) positive life change [pursue new career direction], b) negative life change [beginnings, translations, endings], c) changes in daily schedule/disruption of sleep rhythm [i'm getting used to this not-getting-up-at-dawn thing], & d) overstimulation [YOU try unpacking & organizing an entire truckload's worth of belongings by yourself]. fabulous. i'm under four guns.
now before we groan, roll our eyes, & say, "dammit, here she goes, my invitation to a pity party," please just stop. really, it's because of introspection that i'm beginning to understand how all of this goes together.
since that first night, i've been periodically camped out at those windows, trying to figure out my surroundings, seeing the new things to be seen, & listening to the sounds of the street. & i started taking pictures. if you were to browse the recent posts on my deviantART site, you'll see that over a third of them are related to this place & some more directly to 1WTC. at the moment, i think it's all i can do.
in the classic turn of artistic irony, i refer to the only thing to which i feel deeply connected & deconstruct it in order reconstruct myself. to put it another way, 1WTC is thus far my only sensual anchor, & i have to visualize it in a way that makes sense, if i'm to make sense of anything else here. i have to figure out how i see the one, if i'm to learn how to see the all.
my words are clumsy...
the best i can say is that this tower is my fixed point, helping to orient me to the rest of my surroundings. no matter my feelings toward it, i analyze it, play with it, look at it in different ways & from different directions. it's helping me comprehend myself, & with the ground constantly shifting beneath my feet, this is the only way i know how to keep standing.
No comments:
Post a Comment