Saturday, October 19, 2013

race, grace, & true repentance

after a few rough days, i had planned to put on my big girl pants & spend my morning working on some writing projects & looking for more lucrative employment. i was proud of myself for the intent to get back on that bucking horse. i was going to DO IT. & just before i was about to begin, i stumbled across this article put forth by NPR:

Asian-Americans To Evangelicals: We're Not Your Punchline

i couldn't can't stay silent. after the jump, i've compiled a mash-up of my reactions, questions, & public & personal messages to others... apologies for repetition, but i go by Churchill's words on this one:

"If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time - a tremendous whack."

thus:
If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time - a tremendous whack.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/w/winstonchu111314.html#IRYKIvOU9fIr9KuQ.99
If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time - a tremendous whack.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/w/winstonchu111314.html#IRYKIvOU9fIr9KuQ.99
If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time - a tremendous whack.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/w/winstonchu111314.html#IRYKIvOU9fIr9KuQ99

i am a Christian. i know what i believe. for example, i am firmly convinced that if it wasn't for the presence of God, i would be dead. i apologize to my loved ones for the disturbing nature of that confession, but it is brimming with a titanic truth; over the past nine or so years, i have struggled with suicidal ideations. multiple times have i come perilously close to wrapping up loose ends, trying to think of ways to escape life's "slings & arrows"(#) while mentally penning apologies to my family. however, the spirit of God has refused to release His grasp; He has always reached out & called me back from the edge. even if He pulls me back but one centimeter, it is always enough. that extra space opens my eyes & helps me see that there is hope, that there is reason to survive another day. i am supremely grateful for His grace, & because of Him, i know that i am loved beyond all human comprehension. no matter how else anyone acts toward me, i am alive in the knowledge that nothing matters but His passion for my being & His desire that i continue, sharing with all souls the blessings He's granted me.

it is because of His boundless love for all of us that i absolutely cannot understand how those in the Christian community can act as Pastor Rick Warren and his peers have acted. the offense i take does not come solely from the fact that there are Asian-Americans in my family & Asian-Americans whom i am blessed to have as friends. though not the direct target of the hurtful ignorance, or, as is fully possible, the willful wounding of others, i too am scratched by this behavior.

my facebook post, in full: i am very deeply disappointed that someone [Pastor Rick Warren] who is such a prominent face of Christianity would act in such a way. further, i'm disheartened that his first response to the criticism was, "it was a joke!" he then followed up with the now-[sadly]-standard non-apology apology:

"If you were hurt, upset, offended or distressed by my insensitivity I am truly sorry," he wrote. "May God richly bless you."

"IF YOU WERE HURT"... such an "apology" is partially repentant at best, as it still places the onus of the hurt on the receiving audience, not on the deliverer of the albeit-confessed insensitivity. what he posted may have been a joke in his eyes, & it may have satisfied the sense of humor of some, but that doesn't mean that his joke wasn't hurtful. labeling something as a joke does NOT make it okay. in fact, that makes it even worse, as it holds the wounded hearts in mockery & denies the validity of their response. how disgusting, & how unlike the Savior that he, i, & others so deeply love.

i'm embarrassed by this kind of behavior & ask that all of my friends & family (with similar beliefs or not) trust that not all Christians are like this. yes, we have trouble living up to the faith we espouse, but that makes it all the more important that we recognize such horrible, demeaning, & dehumanizing grave actions & hold our faith communities accountable. i prayerfully hope that pastor warren will someday see the fullness of his error & not try to excuse himself by placing the sin on the shoulders of those he's hurt; trying to avoid responsibility is just as serious as committing the wrong itself.

though it may not be the necessary balm, i apologize for what he & others have done.
how can people with differing beliefs find it possible to ally or even join us when we're so unloving to our own brothers & sisters? we mock the Great Commission when we do such awful things.

i felt compelled to share all of that on facebook, but the more i thought about it, the more i felt that such a post was inadequate. i searched out one of the letter's signatories, Kathy Khang (multiethnic ministries director of InterVarsity Christian Fellowship [USA] & author of More Than Serving Tea ). i personally reached out to her, apologizing & explaining the goals of my post:
 
First, we must understand why the initial apology is not an apology (although I did see on your blog that another group has taken responsibility for a video). The rampant "I'm sorry that you were offended" is no apology at all and instead denies responsibility for the hurt levied at others. Everyone needs to realize how and why such responses are not entirely repentant. As professed members of the Church, when we say such things, we sadly fall short of how we are called to engage our sins. 
 
Second, we Christians must uphold our faith by keeping one another accountable, reminding ourselves and each other what it means to sin against God and others. We have to acknowledge that we struggle and falter, and sometimes that comes at the expense of those around us. With love, we must firmly condemn such transgressive acts and call our faith family to full repentance, as that is the only path toward healing in Christ. Additionally, in so doing, we reaffirm to our friends, Christian and non-Christian alike, that we disavow exclusion and mistreatment, that we are bound to Christ's love and extend it to them as well. If we completely discredit ourselves with demeaning and dehumanizing exclusivity, we sully the Great Commission and triple any difficulty that we might otherwise have. 
 
Third, I ask all who read my post to trust that, while all Christians are imperfect and stumble at the expense of ourselves and others, we do not all espouse discriminatory views and do make efforts to live as inclusively as possible. I want to let others know that we as a community must act accordingly when our brothers and sisters do hurtful things of any sort, and, as such, we do strive to live by our faith and our holy Example. I fear that others become increasingly disheartened and alienated when encountering our mistakes, collective and individual, and I don't want people to feel that they are not fully accepted for who they are in their entirety. 
 
Though the circumstances differ from yours, and I will not presume to fully comprehend the pain felt, I have been judged, shunned, and shamed for parts of my identity and self, all by a worship community[*] that I'd come to equate with family. Thus, I speak because I never, ever want others to go through the heartbreak and turmoil that I endured. Indeed, my personal faith was lambasted, and it took me many, many years to recover, learn to have a heart of forgiveness, and be able to trust other Christians again. 
 
Ultimately, I hope that this will be a prayerful lesson for all Christians; even though some of us have not engaged in such hubristic actions, we are called to be better than this. If anything, we need to be more aware, and instead of simply saying to our own spirits, "well, I won't act like this," we need to confront such wrongdoing and make a proactive effort to transform our faith community's attitudes as a whole. We need to ensure that the budding dialogue does not end but rather flourishes to create a connection in spirit, leading to greater love and understanding.

*i do want to note, & should have noted in my email to Mrs. Khang, that not all members of this particular community acted in such a way toward me, & not all of them were privy to the judgment levied against me. those who were in this group but were not party to what was happening have indeed reached out to me, even apologizing for the hurt that i experienced. i am supremely grateful for their kind hearts, as that has helped me heal over the years.

actually, it is because of those friendships that this situation resonates so strongly with me. those people, whom i consider good friends today, showed me that not every Christian bares the same stripes. they set the example, striving to be inclusive & loving. their actions toward me even made me aware of my own harsh attitudes toward those unlike myself, & i'm deeply appreciative that their model has guided me toward repentance. shout-out to my college cohorts: i sincerely thank you. you're the best.

to my Christian family & friends, i implore & i beg--can we please be better than this? can we truly exemplify the love of Christ? can we with humility show ourselves to be honest in our repentance & genuine in our representation of love, inclusion, & gratitude for all souls in this world? can we make efforts to rebuild within our own faith community, so as to strengthen our ties & not trample upon the greatest commandments** given us by our Lord?

** "Jesus replied: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" (Matthew 22:37-39 )

to my family & friends holding other beliefs, i humbly ask--would you forgive us? i don't mean for you to overlook are wrongdoing & pretend it never happened. there is no excuse, & the pain felt is valid & real. but if i may be so bold in my request, please trust that many in the Christian community find this kind of behavior disgusting & do not condone it in the least. we know that it is not how our faith calls us to act, & we want to be embodiments of love & kindness. we apologize for the ignorance exuded. it is our fault, & we must be better than this.

i'm not sure that i can say anything else. i'm woefully bereft of complete knowledge & power, & there are many who will object to some or all that i say. however, i just couldn't let this go, you know? i don't want anyone else to get hurt, not when we have it in us to love so much more. we're given such unfathomable amounts of grace; it's time that we share more of it with others.

(#)--The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, by William Shakespeare (III.i.58 )

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