i would never have reached this point, overcome all that i have, & become stronger along the way were it not for those who bless me simply by being in my life. one of those people? my brother, gj beatty.
sorry, every other little sister in the world; i'm sure your blessed, but i have the best big brother. ever.
when i was little, gj played the role of teacher. he would teach me how to do everything, from card games like 52 Pick-Up & Coal/Fire to physical challenges like Italian Arm Wrestling. of course, most of his mentoring was passive, as i would simply watch in awe from the sidelines. you see, gj is quite gifted; he picks up skills very quickly, & combined with his abundance of natural talent & unwavering work ethic, he excels at nearly everything he does. example: as a fifteen year old high school freshman, he ran a ~4:50 mile. as a freshman. at age fifteen. why did i start running in seventh grade? because he did, because he was winning races, & dammit, i was going to be as amazing as gj.
i followed in several of his footsteps, sometimes to his annoyance, but, hey, as little sister, i totally claim that right. i played soccer, ran, became fascinated with Legos (love Legos), & even took my turn at Space Camp in Huntsville, AL. won Camper of the Week, thank you very much. turns out, i was able to be as talented as my brother.
as __ as my brother. as __ as my brother. as __ as my brother. as __ as my brother.
it was in high school that i started to realize that being as __ as my brother wasn't always a good thing. my freshman year, gj was overseas as an exchange student. i missed him terribly, not just because he was gone, but also because i was forced to navigate the looming halls of cedar crest on my own. my fear was short-lived, though; all the girls who chased after my brother were quick to befriend me, & although some retained ulterior motives, most liked me for me.
okay. hurdle #1 cleared. then came #2. i'd never experienced others blatantly comparing me & gj, not to my face. however, according to some of our teachers, i needed to hear how i did or didn't measure up to his stellar performance. "oh, gj always got this grade." "gj didn't do his projects/papers on this." "did you know that gj was my best student?" worse yet: i passed the difficult test to become the only freshman on the school's quiz bowl team, beating out upperclassmen, some of whom were gj's peers. those that made it via that same test weren't thrilled that "gj's little sister" was at their level, & they continually mocked me, assessing me by my brother's achievements. before i knew it, i was "little beatty," a phrase that would grate every time i heard it.
i was trying to be my own person at this point, & our interests had sufficiently diverged in order for me to do so. but still, as i grew into young adulthood, i felt like i had to work twice as hard to get out of his shadow, though he would have been very upset to know that others cast me as anyone but me. this was not his fault. gj was doing a lot in college & shortly thereafter, reaching many notable milestones which were fully deserving of the attention they received. i, on the other hand, felt like i was doing nothing of worth. even toiling through my MA didn't seem to compare.
& that's what it had become: i was now in the nasty business of weighing myself against gj. i was so caught up in his creative production that i'd exchanged necessary self-praise for harsh self-deprecation. of course, i was enduring some other major aches & pains, but ultimately, i'd lost sight of the point--when it comes to being loved, it has never been about who i wasn't. though my misconceptions said otherwise, it never mattered that i wasn't as __ as gj.
really, it was gj himself who helped me emerge from the fog obscuring my own identity. he's always been supportive of my ventures, big or small, & he's been quick to expose me to my own strengths. he continues to teach me, with gifts of wisdom from scott mccloud & anne lamott. he knows what i need, sometimes before i do, & does what he can to help me get it. he always offered his arm when i stumbled, gently letting go when i was finally able to stand on my own two feet & walk.
i suppose i could continue, ad nauseum, & there's far more to our story as siblings. but, the crux: my brother is my advocate & my friend. thanks, gj. for everything.
 |
| this is gj & me, nearly 33 years ago, after my baptism |
sorry, every other little sister in the world; i'm sure your blessed, but i have the best big brother. ever.
when i was little, gj played the role of teacher. he would teach me how to do everything, from card games like 52 Pick-Up & Coal/Fire to physical challenges like Italian Arm Wrestling. of course, most of his mentoring was passive, as i would simply watch in awe from the sidelines. you see, gj is quite gifted; he picks up skills very quickly, & combined with his abundance of natural talent & unwavering work ethic, he excels at nearly everything he does. example: as a fifteen year old high school freshman, he ran a ~4:50 mile. as a freshman. at age fifteen. why did i start running in seventh grade? because he did, because he was winning races, & dammit, i was going to be as amazing as gj.
i followed in several of his footsteps, sometimes to his annoyance, but, hey, as little sister, i totally claim that right. i played soccer, ran, became fascinated with Legos (love Legos), & even took my turn at Space Camp in Huntsville, AL. won Camper of the Week, thank you very much. turns out, i was able to be as talented as my brother.
as __ as my brother. as __ as my brother. as __ as my brother. as __ as my brother.
it was in high school that i started to realize that being as __ as my brother wasn't always a good thing. my freshman year, gj was overseas as an exchange student. i missed him terribly, not just because he was gone, but also because i was forced to navigate the looming halls of cedar crest on my own. my fear was short-lived, though; all the girls who chased after my brother were quick to befriend me, & although some retained ulterior motives, most liked me for me.
okay. hurdle #1 cleared. then came #2. i'd never experienced others blatantly comparing me & gj, not to my face. however, according to some of our teachers, i needed to hear how i did or didn't measure up to his stellar performance. "oh, gj always got this grade." "gj didn't do his projects/papers on this." "did you know that gj was my best student?" worse yet: i passed the difficult test to become the only freshman on the school's quiz bowl team, beating out upperclassmen, some of whom were gj's peers. those that made it via that same test weren't thrilled that "gj's little sister" was at their level, & they continually mocked me, assessing me by my brother's achievements. before i knew it, i was "little beatty," a phrase that would grate every time i heard it.
i was trying to be my own person at this point, & our interests had sufficiently diverged in order for me to do so. but still, as i grew into young adulthood, i felt like i had to work twice as hard to get out of his shadow, though he would have been very upset to know that others cast me as anyone but me. this was not his fault. gj was doing a lot in college & shortly thereafter, reaching many notable milestones which were fully deserving of the attention they received. i, on the other hand, felt like i was doing nothing of worth. even toiling through my MA didn't seem to compare.
& that's what it had become: i was now in the nasty business of weighing myself against gj. i was so caught up in his creative production that i'd exchanged necessary self-praise for harsh self-deprecation. of course, i was enduring some other major aches & pains, but ultimately, i'd lost sight of the point--when it comes to being loved, it has never been about who i wasn't. though my misconceptions said otherwise, it never mattered that i wasn't as __ as gj.
really, it was gj himself who helped me emerge from the fog obscuring my own identity. he's always been supportive of my ventures, big or small, & he's been quick to expose me to my own strengths. he continues to teach me, with gifts of wisdom from scott mccloud & anne lamott. he knows what i need, sometimes before i do, & does what he can to help me get it. he always offered his arm when i stumbled, gently letting go when i was finally able to stand on my own two feet & walk.
i suppose i could continue, ad nauseum, & there's far more to our story as siblings. but, the crux: my brother is my advocate & my friend. thanks, gj. for everything.
 |
| the two of us yesterday, celebrating Christmas together |
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